February 22, 2012 by b. binaohan
My few readers know that I’m a big Blaine fan. They may not know that while I ship klaine in fanfic, I’m not a diehard. Basically, if Blaine were to break up with Kurt so that he could be with someone who’d actually share space and attention, I’m there.
I’m also not about to pass judgment on how Kurt has decided to interact with his bully. Every survivor decides for themselves how they’d like to handle these things. And there is no right way to do it.
(tw: talk of suicide)
It’ll come as no surprise that it wouldn’t be my choice. When I found out one of my bullies died in a drunk driving accident I felt nothing but satisfaction that I’d lived to see one of my enemies dead and buried. Yeah, I’m cold. I was taught to be living in this hetero-sexist, cissupremacist, white supremacist world. I was once sensitive and generous and forgiving. I can’t afford this attitude anymore, my survival and health is too important to me.
I haven’t been a fan of the karofsky story line from the beginning. My objection, and this problem isn’t only glee’s, is that it basically implies that queers are the cause of homophobia. By making the big bully end up gay, this becomes glee’s message: if only society were more accepting and welcoming, everyone could come out of the closet and there’d be no more homophobic bullies.
If only it were that easy. However, not every person who hates and bullies queers is actually closeted. Some of them simply hate queers. They hate them and they want them dead. They see us as being less than human and don’t care, at all, about whether or not we have feelings. They don’t care about how they hurt us. Homophobic dudebros like Rick Santorum simply want us in jail, dead, or otherwise erased (i.e., in the closet). Do I think he is gay? Not really (heteros can keep this lovely specimen of human kind). (also, not always a matter of ignorance^[1], which is glee’s other explanation for homophobia)
What I don’t like about this story line is that it frames homophobia using victim blaming rhetoric. Before we know what is going on with karofsky, we see that kurt is being bullied for flaunting his sexuality. Too gay. His fault. After we know about karofsky (this sentiment remains but becomes infused with sexual assault and that brand of victim blaming) but it also becomes a means for blaming all other gay people. We are the worst homophobic bullies. Or something like this. Especially since they give us no reasons why karofsky might be so afraid of coming out (other than bullying, of which he is the worst). We are just supposed to understand that being gay is bad and homophobic bullying caused by gay people.
(seriously. wtf?)
After all of this, we are supposed to applaud kurt’s compassion and forgiveness with how he treats and deals with karofsky. This re-enforces a dangerous, and normative, understanding in our culture about how to interact with abusers. It also re-enforces a very christian understanding of redemption and forgiveness. Messages like this are exactly why it has taken me so long to realize that I don’t have to forgive my abusers. That they don’t deserve my sympathy, empathy, or understanding. I can choose to give them but it is not mandatory or even important unless it helps *me* heal.
How kurt reacts and deals with the situation is fine. But so would have been outing karofsky and not caring that he attempts to kill himself.
(/tw)
There is no right way to be a survivor and no right way to deal with your abusers/bullies.

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